Monday, October 31st, 2016

It doesn't feel so much like falling as it does being ripped out of the sky. Until they fall, they only know of gravity's definition and have never experienced it. Gravity is for the humans. Gravity is an accursed marker, a mythical beast that shoots up through the clouds to claw their legs and smash them against the Earth as they snarl and struggle and cry.
It doesn't feel so much like falling as it does being humiliated. The ground speeds towards them with every passing second and they can do nothing to resist it - these ethereal, powerful, holy creatures have been victimized by gravity. Their wings flap along uselessly behind them. They will never use them again. It's a heavy feeling. Gravity always pulling down, bodies en masse, and the cage of bones that trap them inside, a constant reminder of their punishment.


time shoves against me
and all their hands merge together
they feel exactly the same

serpentine skin slithers up my leg
and i shiver and beg
"no, no"
and they laugh as i quiver
at the feeling of cold scales

throat bared against teeth
teeth bared against the room
demons followed me here
with you

time grinds against me
and hands are no longer mine
only yours

time slams against me
and the body is no longer mine
only yours



i don't want to be the kind
of person to wake up and cry
but you scarred me and it hits me
in waves at 5am

the taste of salt
is always stuck on the back of my tongue
no matter how much i drink
since whiskey is not strong enough
and neither am i


i've been sewing my wig of angel hair,
plucking feathers from the backs of the fallen,
tattooing crosses and prayers on my thighs.

shut my eyes and take another shot of holy water,
cross my fingers and jump -
praying i finally fly

summer heat

tired eyes bruised by turbulent dreams
another set of sheets soaked in sweat
i wake up to you throwing punches at yourself
muttering again
hushed curses by the thousands
but anything you say is music
so i listen as closely as i can
with fingers on glass, cords wrapped
around my neck
holding tightly to the shards
of a window
running through the door
to our truth


all of the energy -
i am it and it is me
perhaps my name is vibrating
and it does not matter,
because no one will ever call for me -
a low sound, sung sweet
by the gods and galaxies -
if i spoke it would shatter
the awe-filled peace,
the universe by piece,
and all of my skin sheets,
so i let the warmth gather
and listen to the trees
and the way we both sing
and i let myself sleep
because i'm completely in tatters


today is everything
run headfirst head over heels
heels over head tumble
into the current
into the movement
the overwhelming rush

and you pull me along
run headfirst over my head
pedal slammed down
get to the point
get to the end
no time take me with you

it's cold I shiver and shake
am I anxious or freezing (over dramatic)
in my thoughts I am
running everywhere
they are running to
nowhere, to me and to you

it doesn't make sense
I need to talk about it
my mouth closes my words
stop working
stop thinking breathing living
a flow of nonsense shuts off

I want to live forever
I wish I had never existed
high low yes absolutely not ok
everything at once
everyone is here and gone
I am God, I promise you I'm nothing


keep reaching further down
keep waiting longer
let my skin wrinkle
and dry

keep reaching further down
keep waiting longer
let the months keep
ticking by

keep reaching further down
keep waiting longer

keep reaching further down
keep waiting longer

cycles looping for eternity
each day is closing in on me
you keep running from everything
your words have been carved into me

keep reaching further down
keep waiting longer

keep reaching further down
keep waiting longer

keep reaching further down
keep waiting longer
let me promise again
and cry

keep reaching further down
keep waiting longer
watch the sun rise
one more time


sweet sweet sweet
hangnails i cry when i brush my face
bite my fingers to keep from
breathing in chemicals
deep breathing, deep breathing,
in a room full of purple fumes
foggy head, soggy memories
wet wet wet
soaked all the way through
drowned to the bone
clouded mirror but it clearly shows
deep blue bruises around my neck
yellow green and gray and
licked by lavender soothe my aches
and pains by myself because
i only have myself once again
once again i only have myself
sad sad sad
fill up with sweets
get out of the wet rain
live in a lavender field
nothing but bees and clouds and
clouded memories,
never see my bruises again

dear god

antihistamine bed
eyes half open for a lucid dream
"hi," high, "hey god,
can you hear me"
my throat is blistering

benadryl laced breath
blood and the ocean rushing in my ears
sit up, get up, oh god,
light is in years
just in my vicinity
angels touch my wrists

kiss my scars,
my throat is swelling
whisper to my ceiling
"i swear i tried
but i told lies and my tongue and my eyes
are ruined, i'm heavy,
i've seen people die"

angels in my loft
brush my hair and kiss my forehead
and say, "sweet child,
your own vagueness is your downfall.
take yourself down, out of
mysteries, you are no enigma."

god in my head
speaks through the whole world at once
"it will get harder."
"it will get harder."

angels kiss my wrists.
"it will get harder."
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