a list of things i've swallowed

300 pills
a fly (on accident)
a love note (on purpose)
fireball whiskey
old valentines chocolate
a lie or three, or twenty
words that came to my tongue but would not leave my mouth
my urine (since you asked so nicely)
vodka
100 more pills
burnt coffee, six hours cold
plans for five years in the future
bile rising in my throat
energy drinks on no sleep
an older boy’s tongue
someone else’s cum
13 more pills (stolen)
a razor (unsuccessfully)
the primal urge to scream
and "i love you. when i die it will be your fault for not wanting me."

real at last

im so sad that my stomach hurts
i have to swallow words with a spoonful of honey, solidify in my bones and crystallize
wouldn't my heart look beautiful as a ring on a dainty finger

siphon my blood into my bedroom
and through your heart it rushes back to me
inside the hallowed space of my chest
i hollowed out for you to be safe

everything is too real now

my phone buzzes at another telemarketer
"i missed you"

i hang up.

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